Hi,
Well here we are at our new begining, what we have been working towards for so long.
The house is sold… the new house is purchased, its really happening. We are moving on from the past. It has been a uphill battle from the start. Everything that could go wrong with buying and selling pretty much did. My mum told me the other day that she read somewhere that behind a death of a loved one the second most stressful thing a person can do is buy a new house. It sounds a bit dramatic but I do think its up there. somewhere.
Packing is a chore for most yet I am loving it. Letting go of the old and buying new is so refreshing. I didn’t realise how much emotional baggage comes along with hoarding things from the past. A weight has been lifted. I feel lighter. Carl has been struggling along, not doing any of the major things. I have been piling up stuff he needs to sort and he is doing so ever so painstakingly slow. I am doing my best to not get upset but at times my insecurities get the better of me especially watching him pining over things from his previous married life. He managed to bundle a big box of items and sent it off to Victoria’s parents. I know it was hard for him, he came home very red eyed and I wasn’t sure how to comfort him because a big part of me is kind of thinking ‘good riddance’ as horrible as that sounds. He told me later that he feels lighter too, he just wants to do the right thing with her stuff… What she wanted. He ended up reading a lot of her diary which must have been very hard for him. We talked about it before and we both agreed that she knew where she was at with her illness and if it was something she didn’t want him to read she would have done something about it.
Besides us moving on from Carl’s past, I have also let go of things too. There are lots of memories in this house for Carl but there are lots for me as well. All the IVF cycles, the miscarriage and the emotions that come with all that Letting go of this house will be a great cleansing its all that’s left to do really.. load the truck and wave good bye.
I know I have been neglecting my twitter friends of late, I just needed to distance myself from the whole thing and gain some perspective on the whole trying to conceive term oil. Some of you have asked me where I am at with it and the truth is pretty much where I started 3.5 years ago. Confused, frustrated, deeply heart broken but the impulse I once had to try and try again is fading. Carl and I have talked about maybe doing a frozen embryo transfer later this year after we settle in the new house but we will see. I would rather go on a holiday.
Sending you all baby dust and sticky vibes.
Love to all.
xx J
Kismet or Serendipity 