I have this favourite song, its kind of a war cry for me. Its called ‘jump rope’ its about the up and downs of life. Its lyrics really speak to me both when I’m up and when I’m down. It says basically things will get hard but everything will eventually turn so you just got to push through.
At the moment I should really be on the upside. I have moved into a new house, its is beautiful everything I ever wanted. Yet I am feeling a bit sad.
I have always had anxiety any remotely stressful situation sets me off. Moving = stress and I’m feel anxious as anything. There are a few other things happening that are adding to it all but I wont go into it all.
I guess this blog is a call out to get a bit of help and advice on coping ideas. You think I would be experienced at it by now but my answer to it in the past has been medication. Which I really don’t want to do again.
At the moment its a bit of a fight between my logic and the anxiety. I know I should be happy, I know I have things to be happy for yet for some reason I cant manage to drag myself out of bed.
I love my husband and I know he loves me but he really doesn’t understand what I go through. He sees me laying about depressed and calls me ‘Lazy’, last night he told me I was the most negative person he has ever meet and that he is tired of me bringing us down. His opinion is if you worry that’s what you get … more worries. I tend to agree with him but I don’t know how to not worry. I cant switch it off. I sit and think about all the things that could go wrong and what will happen if they do, then I think about all the things that have gone wrong and dwell on what I should have done. Then I tell myself how hopeless I am and plead for things to get better. I wish my life away telling myself things like ‘when we move things will be better’ , when I have a baby everything will be great etc etc and it goes on and on and on.
I want to scream and sob, i know it wont do any good but I just want to. I cant cry in front of my husband. It deeply annoys him. I cry when he leaves for work.
What is wrong with me. Why cant I be happy and content with all I have?
Kismet or Serendipity 
TheLadySews
Hi Jess,
I came across your blog via twitter when looking up Dr Cooper and wanted to say that as a fellow anxiety gal, I know the battle between logic and unhelpful thoughts only too well. It can be quite challenging to explain this issue to others can’t it?
When this happens, I turn to the mindfulness techniques by Dr Russ Harris to help bring me back to being kinder to myself and re-connect with the present moment. Where I’ve found other therapies unhelpful for my anxiety, this has worked for me, but it does take practice!
I’ve also found that since I’ve been going to acupuncture for fertility, it has also had the added benefit of dialing down those anxious feelings to a lower level, go figure!
That’s my two cents, but mostly I just wanted to say that you’re not alone and to let you know that I enjoy reading your posts!!
Surekha x
ozivfchick
Hi,
Thanks for your comment.
I’m glad you like my blog. I am trying to write more to get things out of my head.
Anxiety is such a battle. I also found acupuncture helped. Hubby and I are on a bit of a ttc break so I haven’t been for a while.
I’m also not working at the moment which is giving me way to much time to sit and think…
Anyway. Hope your well. xx Jess