Googling pmdd my Internet / auto correct changed it to omfg. Which is kind of fitting because that’s what my husband says when I have a “hormonal” episode well that and many other colourful words to that effect. “crazy bitch”, psychotic bitch etc etc. We are best if I save you the details.
While my new found calm seems to get me through most of the month a few days prior to ovulation and almost a week before my bleed I am a total and utter nightmare. Even to myself I hate myself I feel like a total failure to my friends and family and most of all my husband.
I have always been emotional during these times but emotional these days is an understatement. I rant, I rave, I cry, kick and scream like a child, I sob uncontrollably, I demand, I give ultimatums, I quit jobs, break things, i experience an overwhelming sense of failure and isolation and most terrifying I have thoughts of self harm bordering on suicide.
I feel the anger and sadness pounding through my veins to the point where I feel I could explode.
It’s ruining my friendships and my marriage and I’m at a loss as to what to do about it.
I have a history of anxiety and depression but have not taken anything for it since Ivf treatment. I just wanted to be as chemical free as I could. The thing is I believe if this was my problem I would be feeling this way all month but I’m not just around ovulation and a week prior and during menstruation. I have looked into more natural remedies I have tried evening primrose, b vitamins, vitex, healthy fats such as flaxseed and fish oil, I rubbed wild yam cream on my skin for a while , I exercise, meditate and do yoga. The list goes on. Other then going on the pill ( what irony) I’m fresh out of ideas.
My husband is so sick of it and the only thing I can do is mark the calendar with sad faces on the days I will undoubtedly lose my shit at him because he looked at me the wrong way.
Any advice, self experience etc is very much welcome.
Thanks for listening.
Love to all.
Xxxx
J
Kismet or Serendipity 