It never ceases to amaze me what people get worked up about. People being well me.
The other day I was so stressed about moving, today I am so frustrated with the weather. One minute the sun is out the next its pouring with rain outside… no warning. Meaning the stuff I had been working so hard on getting dry today is now all saturated and the energy I was saving on not turning the dryer on is now a thing of the past.
I have always envied those blissfully happy people. I’m sure you know the type. Maybe your even one of them. Those people who breeze through life with ease. Happy go lucky, never a frown. Where does it come from? Try as I might to develop this disposition it has long evaded my personality. Though lately I have started to really see how much a positive outlook and a ” can do” attitude can impact on life. I am a convert to what you put out you get back. I have been testing the theory its quite amazing really, you should give it a try.
Although I know all these things its still so hard at times to be Mrs Positive, Mrs Always land on her feet. I honestly think it does take more work to be negative but somedays I go that route anyway.
Worry, fear, anxiety and all in all negativity are deeply ingrained in me. My father, my mother my grandparents all had these traits. I believe the only difference between them and I is… I see it in myself, I feel myself falling into bouts of anxiety and I do my best to get up fighting.
What I’m trying to say is no ones all positive and no one is all negative and some times it pays to be a little bit of a pessimist. Its all about balance.
Love to all
xx J
Googling pmdd my Internet / auto correct changed it to omfg. Which is kind of fitting because that’s what my husband says when I have a “hormonal” episode well that and many other colourful words to that effect. “crazy bitch”, psychotic bitch etc etc. We are best if I save you the details.
While my new found calm seems to get me through most of the month a few days prior to ovulation and almost a week before my bleed I am a total and utter nightmare. Even to myself I hate myself I feel like a total failure to my friends and family and most of all my husband.
I have always been emotional during these times but emotional these days is an understatement. I rant, I rave, I cry, kick and scream like a child, I sob uncontrollably, I demand, I give ultimatums, I quit jobs, break things, i experience an overwhelming sense of failure and isolation and most terrifying I have thoughts of self harm bordering on suicide.
I feel the anger and sadness pounding through my veins to the point where I feel I could explode.
It’s ruining my friendships and my marriage and I’m at a loss as to what to do about it.
I have a history of anxiety and depression but have not taken anything for it since Ivf treatment. I just wanted to be as chemical free as I could. The thing is I believe if this was my problem I would be feeling this way all month but I’m not just around ovulation and a week prior and during menstruation. I have looked into more natural remedies I have tried evening primrose, b vitamins, vitex, healthy fats such as flaxseed and fish oil, I rubbed wild yam cream on my skin for a while , I exercise, meditate and do yoga. The list goes on. Other then going on the pill ( what irony) I’m fresh out of ideas.
My husband is so sick of it and the only thing I can do is mark the calendar with sad faces on the days I will undoubtedly lose my shit at him because he looked at me the wrong way.
Any advice, self experience etc is very much welcome.
Thanks for listening.
Love to all.
Xxxx
J
Kismet or Serendipity 